a bag full of dreams.

 

I was loitering through the memories that has been accumulated thru my 28 years of living on this blue planet. like the garbage bag kept at the corners of the street, i too have bags of dreams and memories kept! Each bag has different content of its own, given to different persons at different periods of time. Dreams of becoming that person, achieving that feat, realising some dreams. All these were the dreams that i gave to someone and some to me. if you ask me to define what “that’ is, i don’t want you to be bored. i don’t even know if you are going to read this entire scribbling that i have made on this page. so why the hard work? Just imagine, what you wanted to be when you were wearing knickers, running around the corners of your street trying to beat the shadows! 

Dreams, someone said is what that keeps us alive and breathing. if you have a dream to do something. yes! you are going to live it! but nobody tells you how, nor am i! Because I’m just like any other person alive on the planet, i too fall in the category of “why care?” i don’t know if you have any dreams now, well if you have it is good, it will do you good. but, if you don’t keep life simple, don’t begin to dream! The bad thing about dreams is that it can give us nightmares, think about the last unfulfilled dreamt that you had! didn’t it give you nightmares? yes! i know it does! me too!!!

so to escape the nightmares of the dreams that i had, i decided to write down what my dreams were?

Dream # 1. I wanted to be an IAS officer- hmm… a good dream, now that i have decided to grow my beard and wear T-shirts for a long time, to walk with that white- washed face is not that appealing or “cool”! and because  of my new found thought that knowledge can explode your brains! i have decided take the path of “ahimsa”. Not to injure my head!   

Dream # 2. I wanted to be a rock singer- the “howlin and the growlin” types! before you heard it my neighbours did! they implored “we have more than enough pains and evils to suffer, please don’t add to it” so i said “okay, wish granted!” i consoled myself that there isn’t much difference between growl of an insane dog and the “howlin and growlin” metaaall singer! So i don’t want to be Dog!

Dream # 3 – i wanted to be a  “maadel” walking on the ramp! oh noo! have you seen your face on the mirror! it scares the crow out of the field! someone said to me! i called him crazy, ignored and joined the gym! they say in there, they pump muscles! i had fat pumping up and down! now that i have kissed the road the second time, i have been collecting fat around my belly! the six packs is pushed inside one single pack! sad!

Dream # 4 -  I wanted to be a Harvard Business graduate ! can i become more insane than this! no!!! Harvard it is!!!

Now that i have made you read the whole story, i feel so happy! and i have come to know in life that many things come thru our ways! and they come with different kind of appeal. Some looks so beautiful that you want to chase it, then something else runs into you and you run behind it. this cycle can go on and on until you decide to stop and act wisely.

Decide in your life what you want to be.

Decide what is worth chasing and run behind it.

Maybe you would have different gifting(s). but, stop for a moment think on which you want to develop. for example, if you are skilled in writing and at the same time your voice can draw a crowd! Think what you want to be writer or singer! you can be a singer first and writer later or the other way around.

dreams are good, they propel you to live one more day. But, there are bad dreams that can spoil your life. Take time to see if you have good or bad dreams and act upon it. for me I'm not sad that many of my dreams didn’t happen. but glad that i found the right dreams to follow and I'm right on the track. I found this purpose by following God. Maybe today you are confused to take the right track, if you allow god to intervene He will take you to the right place. Pray to God and He will change you forever.  

Remember you and i have one life! don’t waste it running behind worthless dreams!     

Beginnings

When we venture into something new we are so enthralled by the secrets that it holds that we put every effort to unveil it. No matter how hard the process might be!

Beginnings- Bag full of expectations.

one day i had an opportunity to work with a person who was venturing a business. He had his mind filled with many expectation. His thought was if he could take that decision or go according to a particular plan, his business would flourish. he had a lot of expectation from the business that he was venturing out into. Years went by the business that he planned didn’t flourish the way he had planned. still, keeping his head above the waters. he looked dejected more than a happy man that he used to be when he started it off.

Many tie the nuptial knot thinking that they are going to have the best marriage in the whole world. Many cajole their imagination to bring out the best way to live together. They look at other’s life and say “look at them we don’t want us to be like them. we are not going to be like them.” And, they just dive into the sea of expectation. When reality pushes them to the shore, this sea of expectation becomes a tourists’ spot. Here, they come once in a while laugh at sea, get soothed by the wind that blows and they go back home. Never would they want to swim in it.   

A baby is born, it brings expectations with it. The father thinks one day the baby in his hand would bring name and fame to his name and the mother thinks “i hold my future’s security.” And, when the baby grows up it has its own expectations and dreams. So father and the mother feels that their expectations have been crushed. they feel that life has done injustice to them. with out knowing what to fight for they simply stamp and beat the air around them. and at last they die a discontent life.

Think before you leap!

The expectation of making our little life much more pleasurable and comfortable gives blood and life to beginnings. It can push us to extremes. But if we are careful about what we are going to do, it will save us from lot of frustrations and unhappiness.

1. Think if the venture or the relationship that you are about to give a commitment would work out or not.

The magic of new beginnings is that it hides the ‘cost-bunny’ inside the hat. If you are planning on a new business think “how am i going to realise the expectations that i have about this business?” If its a relationship think about the person that you are going to live with. His handsomeness or her beauty is not going to put the food on the table. Ask is he or she is the person with whom i want to live with? Most Importantly both of you should stand in the same platform!

2. Measure the expectation that you have!

you should be able to measure the expectations. If it exceeds what the venture could hold it will spill out. its just like the balloon that we have. try to fill it with more air than it can hold, it will surely burst! Is your expectations more than what your business can deliver? if it is yes, sit down and jot down reasonable expectation. Ask yourself “is my expectation about the person with whom I'm going to get married is too much?” 

3. Is it worth more than your life?

Many of us do many things, trying to fulfil the all desires of our life. while we work hard for that, we might be actually losing many other precious things that the life had in store for us. nothing in this world is worth more than life that has been bestowed by God almighty. Think “is your expectation taking toll on your life?” if its is taking! try ways to bring down the expectation and enjoy life more. Golden words- “be content with what you have”

4. Is your expectation giving?

As we have progressed in knowledge our hearts have become more and more small. we don’t have space for others. every nook and corner of our heart is filled with our desire, our expectations. today, we need to change it. empty some space for others. Think if your expectations about the business would give to the society and fulfil the dreams of others. if it would give, then there is no other pleasure that you will ever get from than any other thing other than giving.  

5. Stay Cool!

we can get frustrated when we don’t see our expectations being fulfilled. what is the best thing to do then? stay cool! How can you do that? Trust God. Read from the bible Mathew 6:24-33.  Make God the pillar of your hope. He will surely make things happen in the best way for you. 

There is no other hand that would welcome us, no other lap that will comfort us. other than the hand and lap of God. God is the there for you.

A Mind of Suicide

It’s amazing our lives, though we hate it. We don’t have the option to quit! And the sad part of it is that we can’t ever reclaim the one lost. If it’s lost it’s lost forever. It’s like that leap to that unknown pit that has a black mattress under. Let me illustrate this for you. I want to make it as addictive as I can, let me see if this will work or not. Please don’t go and die after reading this because there are much better things in this world to do. Before your endeavor suicide or “sacrifice of one’s self” which is its glorified name, you travel seeing the blue sky, the green grass by the road side and little children playing at the park. The laughter of friends, the joy that oozes out of their face and deep affection of lovers, see how they hold their hands, enjoying the warmth of each other’s hand. And it never comes apart and you feel as if the heat has melted their skin and an eternal bond has been made. As your eyes are pulled away, you see a little girl in pink dress that her mama bought and how happily she jumps and smiles at her father, runs to him, trying to embrace him with her tiny little hands. Seeing the love in her face, he raises her until his eyes meet with hers. The mother watching this is filled with happiness, a satisfaction that heaven gifted her. After having a look at these merry pictures, you look inside, it is filled with emptiness. Nothingness envelopes the happiness that you ever had, it covers it as if joy never existed in your life. Sadness lurks inside like a monster. You drive as the devil feeds you with more sadness. You begin to taste the bitter and it seems sweet to you. Your imagination goes wild. You make the fool-proof ideas to end the thing that you never started. You lament about your pathetic state of not being god of all. The drive is long the fuel burns and empties as you stamp on it like a mad man. Without refuel, you almost reach near the endless pit. Still, it’s a long walk by foot. The way towards it covered with grass taller than you. It conceals you immediately as you enter its premises. Unknown is the path ahead, you see some foot prints but soon they are gone. Something in your heart says “you must go on” and you just obey it without questioning “why?” you begin to like the command that it gives you. Its treachery you know. Still, you savor it like honey.

Death, he plays you the lullaby of deep sleep in your ears. He gently whispers that in deep sleep you would find eternal bliss. Beguiled by the music, you make your path between the tall grasses. As you move the grass, its red flower falls on you. Its fragrance is so enticing, much more than the seduction of woman. The one that has fallen on your shoulder doesn’t fall off. And you are amazed why it doesn’t trip off your shoulder when you try to shake it. As you try to pluck it off your shoulder, you see that underneath is a hard adhesive that sticks it to you. Even now you are naïve of the plot. You look up to the sky, its grey and dark. The light that once shined for you becomes disgusting to your eyes. And a voice inside says don’t look up, it’s of no use. You have tried its power, what did it give you? Nothing! You are just a pawn on the chess board to be killed by someone. You are the super power, you are the ultimate decision maker, are you a fool to consider what others say about you? Prove them you are courageous, keep walking!” In all this chaos, the child in that pink dress tries to jump on your face. Before she reaches you, she is pulled back again to void.

You don’t know the time that has gone past. The time keeper has become so obsolete that you have thrown it into the tall grass. Death- you begin to love that word. And it’s all that you hear- nothing else! And it soon wipes out the memories that you had. Every word erased, made cleaned and written death. Praises of death rises from the east, the south, north and west, odes to the ones who had treaded the path unknown, throwing insults upon the mortals who choose to live! A storm approaches you, your sanity goes with the wind that just gushed in, bewildered, you believe the lie that came with it. It is the end. Hope has been crucified and closed in a casket. Something moves inside your pocket, a remnant of the mortal land. It portrays a face that tries to capture you attention. You stand there trying to recollect who could this be, to whom does this pretty face belong? But soon another storm rushes in and takes it off from your hand and throws it among the tall grass. A weep in a distance arises, you move your leg to search it but again the voices inside tells you it’s just the cry of a coward mortal. Muting the cry, rises another song of victory that sings glory of the “self-sacrificers.” And you are so moved by it that you run to the edge of that bottom less pit. A voice inside you says, leap, there is a black mattress for you underneath. You will be comforted by its luxury; its lap is softer than of a mother. Don’t wait leap to freedom it says! And you look back to see the world for the last time. The green grasses, the blue sky and laughing of friends, the charming smile of a lover and the chuckling of a child. A storm suddenly rises from nowhere pushes you never giving you a chance to step back. Once more you see the blue sky. You turn and see the darkness in front of you. And, if you have that last chance to see what is behind, you are compelled to see the fading lights that cries-out eternal adieu to you. As your vision gets darker and darker, you retrospect the leap that you made a while ago and just wail. “What will pull me back to the ground from where I started?” on your front the enigmatic darkness scares you with its haunting and merciless emptiness and your heart beats “where is ground?” No more the songs of victory is audible, you begin to hear the weeps and wailing from the dark, its darkness all around you! A wind gushes towards you carrying the cries from beneath, it comes to you and whispers –“waiting for the mattress- it’s a lie!” a mocking laughter accompanies it! Calling you a fool! You have reached your end! Your skin tear apart as the hot air from beneath touches you!

Your life is precious, enjoy it. Don’t stop at the middle of the road!
Find Jesus! Find true comfort!
Written by vinal
22.3.11