Humour, Introversion and Leadership

I heard it like this “to be a great leader you need to have humor”. I disagree! Let me jump into what I want to say rather wander around an introduction of what I’m going to say. The Problem with the statement is that when an introvert hears it. He or she would feel leadership is a farfetched dream. They might even loose the interest of becoming one. Why do I say it? There is typecasting of quieter people as some who isn’t capable of leading let alone making humor. This is reiterated by the societal expectations and definition of the “quiet population”.  

There is a leading NEWS channel in India who described a murderer as introvertish. See, I have never heard any news channel describing a criminal as “he/she was an extrovert and committed a crime.” If we are sitting quietly in a room doesn’t mean, we are speculating crime. Why does the negative connotation of ‘introversion’ and positive of attribution of ‘extroversion’ exist? The question to the world is “why we create a world of expectation from a minority people who tend to be quiet?” Yes, why do we have to add noise to cacophony of disoriented clatters?  I have had this question being thrown at me many times “why you are so quiet?” The immediate reaction to it in my mind would be “why you are so loud?” To avoid hurting the questioner I would battle it out in my mind and find peace.  

We are created to be different, let’s celebrate difference. There are people who would like “a large tv, with WIFI in a lone island” Let’s not mock it. We don’t insult the people who would say the more the merrier. For some of us it is not merrier, that doesn’t mean that we are averse of people. Like any human being we love, honor and respect others. We are perfectly fine when we are with people and when we don’t want to be among the people. We are not going through depression when we are silent. It just we are running things in our mind and if we would need help we will find someone to sort it out.

Can an introvert become leader? Ask yourself “do you have these?” I believe to be a great leader you need two things 1. Compassion 2. Vision. Compassion would make you get deep into the problems people face. When you understand their issues and challenges, you make it a vision in your life to find solution to it. There is a part in the Holy Bible which describes what Jesus felt when He found people. “When He saw the crowds, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.”  We need leaders like this. Am I eliminating the need of humor in life? No! we need humor. Do we stop becoming a leader if we can’t crack a joke? No! When you are compassionate, you would crack up some joke to make someone smile.

In the end does it really even matter? Remembering LP front man Chester Bennigton

I tried so hard

And got so far

But in the end

It doesn't even matter

I had to fall

To lose it all

But in the end

It doesn't even matter 

- In the end, Hybrid Theory, Linkin Park

It was heart breaking to hear about the demise of Linkin Park front man Chester Bennington today morning as I was browsing through the news. I couldn't believe it when I first read. Then i skimmed through different websites to confirm it was true. I was a big fan of his voice and music. I remember buying my first album of their's - "Reanimation" from the music store in my teen year with all the money that I had accumulated. I went to the shop, bought it and ran back to my home put it in my Walkman and listened to it all day long. Though I have never seen him closer or far in person. The void that his death created was real. So much of my teen years were attached to his music. And, even though he was far-far away from me, his songs had affected me a lot. 

One of the greatest fears that we can have is the fear of missing that voice that was with us till yesterday. It also makes us dejected/sorrowful. Chester's voice was one of that kind. It gave life to the songs he sang and the feelings that we wanted to express. The lyrics had this human touch to it that anyone who would listen to him could relate to it. The poignant expression of aggression caused by rejection and the pain of human life were captured so beautifully in his songs. I have not listened to any other band or singer that could do it like Linkin Park. The hauntingly beautiful voice of Chester breathed life into each songs. Listen to "Numb", "Somewhere I Belong" you could experience pain inside the human heart. Sadly, his own songs couldn't bring solace and consolation to him. 

It is awesome to be a celebrity and at the same time a curse. I was watching some of his live performance videos on YouTube. Many were thronging for a touch by him. I wish if he could have seen that video himself then maybe he would have changed his decision. After watching the video I scrolled down to the comment section, it was filled with people who loved him. Many couldn't even comprehend that their childhood idol has left them in this world. The irony is that he was in the crowd but he was still alone. For many of us, we tend to think that being a celebrity they would be enjoying their lives to the core. With money that they have they get to buy what they want, do what they want and with fame be what they want. But, in the end, does it really even matter? Money and fame masquerade as a messiah from poverty and not - acceptance. Does it do what it promises us? No! Will it satisfy? No! Money and fame like a movie screen hides behind it the many things that are mysteries.  

More than money or acceptance, I think the greatest acceptance should come from oneself, whether I’m able to accept me as I am? Do I see myself as a valuable person? I think Chester, with many others, would have struggled with this – to find value in one’s self'.  Like many, he would have been plagued by the question – what is my worth? Let me tell you one thing, if you believe it or not you are the crown of creation. You are valuable. Your life is important. This cloth, the body that we wear cannot be exchanged for another. The concept might be hard to comprehend but it has to be worn until it wears off until we get a new one. 

As a youngster I remember I was always concerned about my nose, it is slightly bigger than what other's have. I had this friend of mine who would mock me because of that. one day he said like this to me "you would find it hard to wear an helmet because it won't go beyond your nose." I felt really humiliated and I was mad at God for giving me such a big nose. And, being an introvert i pushed myself away from the people. It was hard for me to be in a crowd. I would always think whether people would accept me because i had different nose! Years later, today i'm standing before people motivating them to become what God has destined for them. A sensible thing I found was that I need to accept my nose as it is and find purpose for my life. Many think that what we are called to do will make us purposeful but it is not the truth. Chester had a calling to sing, that singing never satisfied him. Though it might have brought solace to him once in a while. I think it never completely gave him the 'reason' to live. The calling that you have is just a tool it is not the whole purpose. 

The greatest satisfaction that I have found in life is when we start living for others. What do I mean by living for others? You start to live for others when you survive every obstacle in your life, fighting and defeating challenges. What does it do? Well, it will inspire someone to overcome depression, addiction or failures just as you overcame. I draw my life's inspiration from Jesus. He was not accepted by everyone, he was given up by the people for whom he had come for and he was betrayed by his own disciple. Imagine a life like that, imagine you are not accepted by your own family, people calling you 'loser' and your best friend points his/her finger at you and gives you for slaughter. How would that feel? You would feel like giving up and find no reason to live. The reason why I admire Him more than anyone else is that He didn't allow all this rejection to affect him. He affected everyone who rejected Him by giving His life. He lived His life for others so that others would find life in Him. Will someone find a reason to live by the life that you live? 

This enamour towards death, seeing it as the one- stop solution to all tragedies of life should stop. Suicide doesn't provide any answer. The only thing that it can do is to push your living loved ones into a sadness that will haunt them for their entire life.  Do you want to leave this world without seeing what difference it could have made in this world? If you think you cannot do anything, let me tell you a truth, you can! The world is looking out for solutions because it is in pain. Maybe it is you that God has appointed to bring a specific solution. Ask Him if you haven't. He will show you the reason for your life on this planet. Life without God is empty. Only he can give you the satisfaction that you are looking for. If we could find something else that could bring it, then we won't find people leaving this world half way through. 

In the end, it matters how you lived your life. We can sing about the injustice, pain, vanity, rejection and how fallen the world is. At the end of the day, they would remain as great repertoire but it won't change the destiny of anyone's life. Jesus says like this in the Bible "...I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." If you want to live a great life, your answer is Jesus. This life that Jesus talks about doesn't end up with the planet, it goes beyond. There is life after you pass away from here and it is for eternity. Either you can spend with Him or without Him. 

Eulogies are being sung now, hearts and dreams are broken 
but in the end - life - it really does matter!

Read how i overcame depression. 

Images are from some website and it belongs to its original owners.

Fighting depression and staying alive

Years back I had gone through a hard time of fighting emotions and thoughts in my mind which left me worthless and my life – meaningless! Every day it was one after the other. Random army of thoughts came invading the space of my mind, plundering the joy and happiness left in it. They killed me from within. I remember my routine then, watching TV, eating and sleeping for more than 12 hours. I neither was without any direction nor was I interested in any. It was hard tackling everyday thought of emptiness. I was without purpose, thoughts about “why am I alive?” “How is this life going to end?” kept hammering my mind. One day I had a thought of blowing out my life but it was soon driven out by the fear of burning in hell. Being the thinking kind and introverted, I preferred to stay alone and indoors without any company, I had no qualms about it. I had limited my talking that people used to wonder whether if I could speak. If I had to speak or argue with someone, the process would have happened in my mind and finished off before I spoke to the person I was planning to have it. Life was hard but something in my heart kept saying that there more to life than this. Life is not be snuffed out! 

When you have depression the simple act of taking food to your mouth will be a drudge. There were days when I used to leave eating food, half – way. My father used to wonder what had happened to me because in my normal senses I love food. I ate everything that I could. I thought “what is the point of eating this food?” it might surprise you but I had this thought in my mind that “if some people in the world are not having food, why am I having it?” I was demotivated to do anything. I found excuses to disengage from everything, slowly yet stealthily there was another enemy that was creeping in – Laziness! I was so lazy that I was inside my room for a month. The only time that I would come out of the room was to eat food. 

So for a year and a half, I just wasted my life in a self-imposed imprisonment inside a room. One day I felt that I should do something in life, the way that I’m going now will destroy me. By then I had become philosophical that I tried to give explanations and excuses for my slothfulness. But in my heart, an alarm bell kept on ringing saying “please do something, don’t waste your time” 

So one day I got out of my home met with one of the friends he was working with an NGO. I asked him if there is any job for me in the organisation that he was working. He asked me to come and join with him. Even though I had joined there I was still struggling. I was plagued by constant thoughts of discouragement. I felt unworthy, non-talented and just a weight on earth. I remember the time when we had a major event happening in the city. I was with my friend. We were going around inviting people to it. On the D-day, I ran away from there. I was hiding. It was hard for me to see too many people. The pressure of hanging around with people drove me to lock myself up in a room. It took me years to come out of it and in between, I had got into something that I wasn't supposed to which pushed me back to depths of depression.   

Now coming to the purpose of the sharing, my intention is not to create a sob-story and get some applauding or comforting. The reason why I write my experience fighting depression and staying alive is the news of sad demise of a girl who was battling depression. I understand that there is a whole generation that is killed ‘in and out’ by this disease. So if I can help out someone out there who is reading this then I have accomplished the intention of my writing. At the time of writing, I have come far from where I was initially even though there are those bad days when I feel low. 

Some statistics

I was reading through some of the websites or articles about depression, it reveals that depression is a global phenomenon. WHO website says that “Globally, an estimated 350 million people of all ages suffer from depression.” # News excerpt from The Indian Express reads “According to the World Health Organization, India is one of the most depressed countries in the world with a whopping 36% of Indians likely to suffer from major depression at some point in their lives.”* It is disheartening to see people giving up their life because of depression. Some year’s back a famous Bollywood actor revealed that she had suffered from depression. Depression comes as uninvited guest irrespective of your age, social status, religion or background. From a school boy or girl who performed badly in their exam to a “successful” actor, depression has conquered minds and is leading many to an early exit from life. 

To find a solution to this modern-age plague we need to understand what it is? Modern science defines it like this “Depression (major depressive disorder) is a common and serious medical illness that negatively affects how you feel, the way you think and how you act. Fortunately, it is also treatable. Depression causes feelings of sadness and/or a loss of interest in activities once enjoyed. It can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems and can decrease a person’s ability to function at work and at home.”^ What it basically means is that you lose your interest in your life.  You feel that life is not worth living which is actually not true. I do not want dwell or delve into too much of the details of what science says or not. What I want to do is to stay focused on how I got out of it. Know that depression can kill you if you don’t find a way out of it. 

Path to recovery, 3 steps

I’m a strong believer in God. He is the anchor that I hold onto. So my path to recovery strongly depended on Him.  My recovery started on the day I decided that I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to fall in and out of emotions. I don’t want to be the boat tossed and twisted by the storms of my emotions.  My life, by then was kind of hell, had no purpose and no direction. Everywhere I turned. It turned out to be an endless spiralling slide or unending doors opening to nowhere.  

In 2008, it was the time that I had met with three wonderful people who helped me a lot and who gave the impetus to change. One was my friend and the other two were my spiritual mentors, father, mother and all they could become to change me from the way I was functioning. My pastor would always say this “Vinal, whenever you get this depressive thought ask this question ‘is it true? When thoughts like “you are not good, you are not capable comes?” what is your response? When you feel like that there is no way, is it true that there is no way out of this hopelessness? These questions initiated a better way of thinking. He used to quote the scripture which says “that you are fearfully and wonderfully made!” (Psalms 139:14) so if the God who made you says that you are intricately made and is precious then don’t dwell on the opposite.  One thing that I understood from this relationship with them is that I had to have people with whom I will be accountable to.  People, who will talk into your life, people who inspire you to become better and build you. From your part, you will have to keep things open so that they can correct you. I always thank God for that one person who consistently helped me to out by speaking words of encouragement to me. 

These are the three things that worked for me and i believe it can help you also. 

1. Decide to get out
2. Ask the right questions
3. Have someone with whom you can be accountable

Another thing that you can do is to mentor someone else who is going through the same circumstance as you are. Ask the question to yourself “how can I help this person to become better?” The more you ask that question the more you find a solution to your problem as well. 

This was my experience of coming out of depression and starting to live. Something that I want to leave with you is the following principles from the bible. 

1. Rejoice always. Philippians 4:4. Paul in the bible encourages us to rejoice by putting hope in God. It is a decision to rejoice. 
2. TRUST GOD. God knows what is happening in our life. Hebrews 12:2 He is the author and finisher of faith. God has plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Jer 29:11
3. Your life is valuable and precious. Don’t spoil it. Psalms 139:14
You have a great life. We all go through hard times yet we have to hold onto the last breath that God has for us. Your life can be an inspiration to someone else if you won’t lose the battle. So keep fighting and keep living. 

PS: This is not a clinical advice for depression. It's my experience of going through it and coming out of it. 
_____________________________________________________________________
# (http://www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs369/en/)
*(http://indianexpress.com/article/blogs/with-36-of-india-depressed-we-must-end-taboo-around-mental-health/
^ https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/depression/what-is-depression

2 simple steps to success

I would like to share two things that I believe can easily bring contentment and success in our life. My inspiration to these has been my Lord Jesus Christ. Studying His life has helped me to understand what are the things that we have to chase and that which we have to leave. His life has been an immense source of encouragement and knowledge for a life that needs to be well lived.

The first step that can bring us closer to success is “work without position”. Working without a position can be a hard thing for many of us. So many of us derive our identity with the position that we are given. Let me illustrate it for you when we get into a company or a place of work. We are shown ladders of position and many times we are taught that reaching the top of the ladder is success. Let me pause here and before I move on let me tell you how I define success in my life. Success to me is to find God, a life well lived, fulfilling every purpose of God. I don’t see anything else that can bring contentment.

When we are given a position, sometimes, we limit ourselves to the boundaries of that position. So if a person gets into a managerial position and if he or she is just looking after what has been asked to do that person is limiting him or herself. As a contradiction to this stands my spiritual mentor and second in line to the ministry that I work (the person has not been given that position but does everything that the role requires). One day I saw this person cleaning the toilet which has been used at least by 20 plus people and I thought to myself this is leadership and working without position. When the world around runs behind position this person stands an anomaly.

So am I saying that we shouldn’t be ambitious? No! Be ambitious and do all things that you can do with or without a position. Positions in your work place, ministry, college or school or for that matter anywhere you are placed, let it not be the driving force in your life. Position has its advantages. It will help you boost your morale, morale of people working under you but if there is person who goes beyond positions and its limitations that person will reach places.

The second step is to have an open heart towards corrections. To accept things that needs to be corrected in our life. One thing that I’m grateful to God is that helped me understand this is one of the most important things that I should never let go. To let people be around you, to tell where you need to shape up! Shaping up is a hard job. It is not easy! Every time I see body builders I feel inspired to work on my body to burn off the excess fat but do you know it’s hard. After 50 pushups or 50 reps on dumb-bell body will be crying “stop”. But you have to push yourself to achieve your goals.

I’m a person who believes in course correction. Many times I have travelled towards certain destinations only to find myself lost in some unknown areas. We need constant course correction. For that we need the help of people who are concerned about our wellbeing. Sometimes the biggest hindrance to this can be our pride. Pride will stop us from realizing the destiny that God has in store for us. It’s always good to ask people for help. Help asked at the right place will not destroy us.  

Another thing that I have found is people with huge talent and potential find it hard to get corrected. They feel God is the only one who can correct them but seldom do they understand that God uses people to correct them.

In my life I have allowed certain people to correct me and show me the right way. Does this mean that I don’t listen to anyone else other than them? No! I listen, take them to God and to the people who I have allowed to speak into my life, if they say change “change it is!” Another reason is that they are the people who see me almost every day, so they know me more than any random person I meet.

The above two are things that have helped me in my life to lead a purposeful and fruitful life. I’m not saying that I have reached there, success, even according to my definition. I’m still on my journey but I have faith in God who said “He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” Phil 1:6. My trust is in God and not on myself. My strength can lead me up to a certain level but if I have to go beyond that, I need God!  

So remember two things 

1.       Work without position

2.       have an open heart towards corrections

These two things have helped me and are helping me to walk towards what God has in store for me!God bless you! :)

 

Fragile life!

Today I was going through obituary column in the newspaper. I felt sad as I went through the faces in it. I was thinking how many dreams would have come to an end when they closed their eyes forever. Life- it is not predictable! Sometimes it is the over-confidence that we have about the coming days that we plan out things in our life. Many a times we fail to think that there is a conclusion to the life that we are living! Death is a reality, we can’t evade it. One day we have to surrender to its power. There is no place in the universe were we can rush off to escape from it. One day we just have to make our exit. Death is something that we don’t like to hear about- either for ourselves or about others! It pains us when we see our loved ones entering the eternal silence. The person who laughed with you, cried with you shared his or her secret with you yesterday, lies here in front of you- without emotions and without that twinkle in his or her eyes.

Some days reading newspaper  is not a happy routine. The sadness that overcomes me the most is the death of young people in accident. It is disheartening to see the young lives perishing for pleasure. Sometimes they might not be the ones to cause it. Yet, the many lives that cease instantaneously are a matter of concern. One thought that comes into my mind is “do we not value our life? Or for that matter anybody’s?” Do we not understand the fact there is no coming back once we step to the other side? The place where I live there is a big road with soft curves. And I see many youngsters speeding on their bike in breathtaking speeds. Ignoring the fact that all it requires is that small stone or a nail for you slip or get the tire punctured and give up life. Why do we want risk our lives for such pleasure?

Life is so fragile that we can’t guarantee for how long a person might live or you may live. I remember this verse from the Bible that says “Remember your Creator when you have time...” (Eccle 12:1) I would like to underline the word “Time” because that is something that we loosely value. Today when I look back I can see how fast I have left my school, college and have a family of my own. Time- it just slips away. It is like the water that you have in your hand if you try to grasp it firmly it will spill between the fingers and nothing will remain. This means that we have to be careful with the time that we have here, we do not have forever to experiment. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. Make the best use of time.

 In this stipulated time what can we do?

There is time in everyone’s life where we feel that we can achieve whatever we want! I remember the time when I was child I thought of doing great many things. But soon I found that it won’t happen unless i make it happen. What is that one thing that you want to do in your life? Do it? Do something that will leave a legacy behind you, your family and generations would be proud of you. Nobody wants their ancestor to be corrupt, irresponsible, drunkard or a murderer. Make yourself remembered for good!

Escaping death, only one way!

You might feel that I’m contradicting myself here. I had written there is no escape from the death now how can I write there is one? I can assure you there is one if you continue reading. Life when we look at it we find that there is an origin for it.  It simply can’t come out of nothing! If there is origin then there is a creator. Go to an art gallery, you would find many paintings there. Do you think the picture or the painting just existed with the gallery? If I say something like that you would call me crazy or out-of-my-mind! Yes! We have a creator; the way that you and I are made proves the case for it. You and I are sophisticated beings, we think, we create and we value. The same sophistication asks to value each other. How do I escape death? In the bible, Lord Jesus says like this “…I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.” (John 10.10) The reason why Jesus came was to give us life in abundance which means that we don’t have to fear death any more. We can live a life that is free from all kinds of fear, fear of death or future. Our future is secure in the hands of Jesus.

You might be a person at the verge of suicide. You might be thinking there is no escape from the plights of life. You are wrong my friend there is an escape! If you seek to hold onto the life that God is giving you, you are going to escape. You will escape death and you can walk in freedom. Ask Lord Jesus to take lordship over your life and you will never be the same.

The lost art of tolerance

For the past few days I have been scurrying through websites and newspaper.  Some are junk, some of it had taken my attention and made me read or listen. This is where I believe in evolution, I have seen the evolution of human mind becoming narrow from broad. Here, in this era of postmodernism and celebration of individualism, something called tolerance is being murdered by the liberalists and conservatives alike. Liberalist says he can’t be hurt because he is an individual and his feeling is fleeting! He is angst when someone is hurt yet he justifies himself of the illegitimate pleasures that he enjoys inside the four walls of his mind and eyes. The conservative cries out saying the liberalist is foul in his thought and he needs to be taken off from this world. In midst of this chaos tolerance is bruised and battered from all sides, having no say or whatsoever.

I cherish the time that I had as a child in this world, Waned off from the complexities of life, having petty dreams of a new toy or to ride the bicycle that my friend had bought. As we would have experienced in that part of our life called – childhood! It gave us innocent memories that still linger in our mind. I remember the one of the fight that I had with one of my friend. It was about a mango that had fallen off from tree, he said it was his because he took it first; I retaliated saying I was the one who saw it in the first place so I’m the legitimate owner!  Later on, we relished it with salt and chili powder from our home. We had fights and it was not about the ideology! It was just about some mango or candy that we soon forgot when we were drenched in mud after a play of cricket, football or any game. I believe as a child our tolerance were high, that is why we could be seen fighting for some time and in the next moment we would be having mango with salt and chili. As we grow up the childishness or rather I would call it innocence fades away as the bones grow. I haven’t found any reason behind it, it just happens! On a second thought can it be the conditioning of our mind by external forces of other minds? Or is it like what evolution says “we evolve to better beings”? Though I haven’t seen us becoming better! I have been quite intrigued by this fact of losing our innocence with time.

In the bible there is one interesting quote made by Jesus Christ, he says "…Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven”. (Mathew 18:3) What fascinated me was command that He gave “…unless you change and become like little children...” Change and become- I believe this could be one of the greatest commands that anyone can give, it talks about the restoration of innocence, to be like a child. And if you carefully study it is a pro-active step that Jesus asks us to do which is to change and become. So if we need to change from something that means that there is a pre-existing condition of it not being there!  As an adult I have been in situations where it was really hard for me forgive and forget certain people and situation in my life. The teaching of Jesus, to change and become emphasize that I can’t linger in a state of bitterness for a long time. Imagine if we could apply this principle of Jesus in our daily lives, how much more beautiful this world would have been. If we could tolerate each other and not fight for what we hold it to be true, there would have been plenty of peace and lot less blood-shed.

I find what this world needs now, is message that teaches us to be tolerant to each other, if we are going to be otherwise, we will reach a time where human existence would be hard. We would deplete our energies fighting for our ideologies! Jesus said it is a choice or decision that we take to be tolerant, to accept others as they are, to put others in higher position than us. At the same time I believe that we need to have strong moral grounds from which we can derive our decisions. I can’t be a liberalist who believes that feeling is the pertinent thing in this world! If it is then we will have to rule for every murderer and anti-social saying that they are right to have followed their feelings. Can I be an intolerant conservative? The answer is no! I can be a child-like human being who is quick to forgive and walk hand in hand with others. Come let us go back, revisit our childhood, and let us take a few lesson from there to be tolerant. To love more and hate less! God bless us all and help us do it!