In the end does it really even matter? Remembering LP front man Chester Bennigton

I tried so hard

And got so far

But in the end

It doesn't even matter

I had to fall

To lose it all

But in the end

It doesn't even matter 

- In the end, Hybrid Theory, Linkin Park

It was heart breaking to hear about the demise of Linkin Park front man Chester Bennington today morning as I was browsing through the news. I couldn't believe it when I first read. Then i skimmed through different websites to confirm it was true. I was a big fan of his voice and music. I remember buying my first album of their's - "Reanimation" from the music store in my teen year with all the money that I had accumulated. I went to the shop, bought it and ran back to my home put it in my Walkman and listened to it all day long. Though I have never seen him closer or far in person. The void that his death created was real. So much of my teen years were attached to his music. And, even though he was far-far away from me, his songs had affected me a lot. 

One of the greatest fears that we can have is the fear of missing that voice that was with us till yesterday. It also makes us dejected/sorrowful. Chester's voice was one of that kind. It gave life to the songs he sang and the feelings that we wanted to express. The lyrics had this human touch to it that anyone who would listen to him could relate to it. The poignant expression of aggression caused by rejection and the pain of human life were captured so beautifully in his songs. I have not listened to any other band or singer that could do it like Linkin Park. The hauntingly beautiful voice of Chester breathed life into each songs. Listen to "Numb", "Somewhere I Belong" you could experience pain inside the human heart. Sadly, his own songs couldn't bring solace and consolation to him. 

It is awesome to be a celebrity and at the same time a curse. I was watching some of his live performance videos on YouTube. Many were thronging for a touch by him. I wish if he could have seen that video himself then maybe he would have changed his decision. After watching the video I scrolled down to the comment section, it was filled with people who loved him. Many couldn't even comprehend that their childhood idol has left them in this world. The irony is that he was in the crowd but he was still alone. For many of us, we tend to think that being a celebrity they would be enjoying their lives to the core. With money that they have they get to buy what they want, do what they want and with fame be what they want. But, in the end, does it really even matter? Money and fame masquerade as a messiah from poverty and not - acceptance. Does it do what it promises us? No! Will it satisfy? No! Money and fame like a movie screen hides behind it the many things that are mysteries.  

More than money or acceptance, I think the greatest acceptance should come from oneself, whether I’m able to accept me as I am? Do I see myself as a valuable person? I think Chester, with many others, would have struggled with this – to find value in one’s self'.  Like many, he would have been plagued by the question – what is my worth? Let me tell you one thing, if you believe it or not you are the crown of creation. You are valuable. Your life is important. This cloth, the body that we wear cannot be exchanged for another. The concept might be hard to comprehend but it has to be worn until it wears off until we get a new one. 

As a youngster I remember I was always concerned about my nose, it is slightly bigger than what other's have. I had this friend of mine who would mock me because of that. one day he said like this to me "you would find it hard to wear an helmet because it won't go beyond your nose." I felt really humiliated and I was mad at God for giving me such a big nose. And, being an introvert i pushed myself away from the people. It was hard for me to be in a crowd. I would always think whether people would accept me because i had different nose! Years later, today i'm standing before people motivating them to become what God has destined for them. A sensible thing I found was that I need to accept my nose as it is and find purpose for my life. Many think that what we are called to do will make us purposeful but it is not the truth. Chester had a calling to sing, that singing never satisfied him. Though it might have brought solace to him once in a while. I think it never completely gave him the 'reason' to live. The calling that you have is just a tool it is not the whole purpose. 

The greatest satisfaction that I have found in life is when we start living for others. What do I mean by living for others? You start to live for others when you survive every obstacle in your life, fighting and defeating challenges. What does it do? Well, it will inspire someone to overcome depression, addiction or failures just as you overcame. I draw my life's inspiration from Jesus. He was not accepted by everyone, he was given up by the people for whom he had come for and he was betrayed by his own disciple. Imagine a life like that, imagine you are not accepted by your own family, people calling you 'loser' and your best friend points his/her finger at you and gives you for slaughter. How would that feel? You would feel like giving up and find no reason to live. The reason why I admire Him more than anyone else is that He didn't allow all this rejection to affect him. He affected everyone who rejected Him by giving His life. He lived His life for others so that others would find life in Him. Will someone find a reason to live by the life that you live? 

This enamour towards death, seeing it as the one- stop solution to all tragedies of life should stop. Suicide doesn't provide any answer. The only thing that it can do is to push your living loved ones into a sadness that will haunt them for their entire life.  Do you want to leave this world without seeing what difference it could have made in this world? If you think you cannot do anything, let me tell you a truth, you can! The world is looking out for solutions because it is in pain. Maybe it is you that God has appointed to bring a specific solution. Ask Him if you haven't. He will show you the reason for your life on this planet. Life without God is empty. Only he can give you the satisfaction that you are looking for. If we could find something else that could bring it, then we won't find people leaving this world half way through. 

In the end, it matters how you lived your life. We can sing about the injustice, pain, vanity, rejection and how fallen the world is. At the end of the day, they would remain as great repertoire but it won't change the destiny of anyone's life. Jesus says like this in the Bible "...I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." If you want to live a great life, your answer is Jesus. This life that Jesus talks about doesn't end up with the planet, it goes beyond. There is life after you pass away from here and it is for eternity. Either you can spend with Him or without Him. 

Eulogies are being sung now, hearts and dreams are broken 
but in the end - life - it really does matter!

Read how i overcame depression. 

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