It’s amazing our lives, though we hate it. We don’t have the option to quit! And the sad part of it is that we can’t ever reclaim the one lost. If it’s lost it’s lost forever. It’s like that leap to that unknown pit that has a black mattress under. Let me illustrate this for you. I want to make it as addictive as I can, let me see if this will work or not. Please don’t go and die after reading this because there are much better things in this world to do. Before your endeavor suicide or “sacrifice of one’s self” which is its glorified name, you travel seeing the blue sky, the green grass by the road side and little children playing at the park. The laughter of friends, the joy that oozes out of their face and deep affection of lovers, see how they hold their hands, enjoying the warmth of each other’s hand. And it never comes apart and you feel as if the heat has melted their skin and an eternal bond has been made. As your eyes are pulled away, you see a little girl in pink dress that her mama bought and how happily she jumps and smiles at her father, runs to him, trying to embrace him with her tiny little hands. Seeing the love in her face, he raises her until his eyes meet with hers. The mother watching this is filled with happiness, a satisfaction that heaven gifted her. After having a look at these merry pictures, you look inside, it is filled with emptiness. Nothingness envelopes the happiness that you ever had, it covers it as if joy never existed in your life. Sadness lurks inside like a monster. You drive as the devil feeds you with more sadness. You begin to taste the bitter and it seems sweet to you. Your imagination goes wild. You make the fool-proof ideas to end the thing that you never started. You lament about your pathetic state of not being god of all. The drive is long the fuel burns and empties as you stamp on it like a mad man. Without refuel, you almost reach near the endless pit. Still, it’s a long walk by foot. The way towards it covered with grass taller than you. It conceals you immediately as you enter its premises. Unknown is the path ahead, you see some foot prints but soon they are gone. Something in your heart says “you must go on” and you just obey it without questioning “why?” you begin to like the command that it gives you. Its treachery you know. Still, you savor it like honey.
Death, he plays you the lullaby of deep sleep in your ears. He gently whispers that in deep sleep you would find eternal bliss. Beguiled by the music, you make your path between the tall grasses. As you move the grass, its red flower falls on you. Its fragrance is so enticing, much more than the seduction of woman. The one that has fallen on your shoulder doesn’t fall off. And you are amazed why it doesn’t trip off your shoulder when you try to shake it. As you try to pluck it off your shoulder, you see that underneath is a hard adhesive that sticks it to you. Even now you are naïve of the plot. You look up to the sky, its grey and dark. The light that once shined for you becomes disgusting to your eyes. And a voice inside says don’t look up, it’s of no use. You have tried its power, what did it give you? Nothing! You are just a pawn on the chess board to be killed by someone. You are the super power, you are the ultimate decision maker, are you a fool to consider what others say about you? Prove them you are courageous, keep walking!” In all this chaos, the child in that pink dress tries to jump on your face. Before she reaches you, she is pulled back again to void.
You don’t know the time that has gone past. The time keeper has become so obsolete that you have thrown it into the tall grass. Death- you begin to love that word. And it’s all that you hear- nothing else! And it soon wipes out the memories that you had. Every word erased, made cleaned and written death. Praises of death rises from the east, the south, north and west, odes to the ones who had treaded the path unknown, throwing insults upon the mortals who choose to live! A storm approaches you, your sanity goes with the wind that just gushed in, bewildered, you believe the lie that came with it. It is the end. Hope has been crucified and closed in a casket. Something moves inside your pocket, a remnant of the mortal land. It portrays a face that tries to capture you attention. You stand there trying to recollect who could this be, to whom does this pretty face belong? But soon another storm rushes in and takes it off from your hand and throws it among the tall grass. A weep in a distance arises, you move your leg to search it but again the voices inside tells you it’s just the cry of a coward mortal. Muting the cry, rises another song of victory that sings glory of the “self-sacrificers.” And you are so moved by it that you run to the edge of that bottom less pit. A voice inside you says, leap, there is a black mattress for you underneath. You will be comforted by its luxury; its lap is softer than of a mother. Don’t wait leap to freedom it says! And you look back to see the world for the last time. The green grasses, the blue sky and laughing of friends, the charming smile of a lover and the chuckling of a child. A storm suddenly rises from nowhere pushes you never giving you a chance to step back. Once more you see the blue sky. You turn and see the darkness in front of you. And, if you have that last chance to see what is behind, you are compelled to see the fading lights that cries-out eternal adieu to you. As your vision gets darker and darker, you retrospect the leap that you made a while ago and just wail. “What will pull me back to the ground from where I started?” on your front the enigmatic darkness scares you with its haunting and merciless emptiness and your heart beats “where is ground?” No more the songs of victory is audible, you begin to hear the weeps and wailing from the dark, its darkness all around you! A wind gushes towards you carrying the cries from beneath, it comes to you and whispers –“waiting for the mattress- it’s a lie!” a mocking laughter accompanies it! Calling you a fool! You have reached your end! Your skin tear apart as the hot air from beneath touches you!
Your life is precious, enjoy it. Don’t stop at the middle of the road!
Find Jesus! Find true comfort!
Written by vinal
22.3.11
